Ladies and gentlemen...
Boys and girls...
It's time for the most dreadful dresses in stores today..
The cream of the crop that make you ask yourself...
WHAT WERE THEY THINKING???

First off, this lovely piece makes me wonder how anyone could wear this. You'd have to be stick thin and have no hips to pull this off. (and maybe not even then!)

Next we have a stunning example of how NOT to accentuate one's waist. Everyone knows that a belt around your natural waist gives you curves, but I think this designer thought that adding fabric to the rest of the body would make her waist look smaller!

And what kind of woman WOULDN'T want to wear pants to a formal occasion? Oh, yeah. Me. Does this designer really think that the plunging v-neck really makes up for the fact that she's wearing MC Hammer pants to prom?!?

And, finally, the winner of today's award for suckiness...

TA-DA!

First of all, it's a wool sweater. Secondly, it has some very thick cables in random patterns. And finally, it's pretty much a poncho with an elastic band for the "skirt". Unflattering on anyone. Well done, designer.

Today is a very special day, my friends, because today is not about the dresses, but the models wearing these atrocities. Take a look:

SUPERWOMAN!!!!

Are my spidey-senses tingling...oh, that's just the itchy dress!

This is what happens when Playboy bunnies get kicked out of the mansion....

They model slutty prom dresses.

Is it just me, or does this lady look like a 2-year-old throwing a temper tantrum?

"NO! I don't wanna eat my broccoli!"

Ladies, just remember- prom pictures will live forever, so don't take modelling classes from these girls or you will be next.

Today is all about prom night. And what most kids DO on prom night. We've all heard the rumors..."he got a hotel key!" But this is for those girls who can't wait till prom night. Introducing the Easy Access Dress!!!!

I got a special request for this one:

See that zipper ALL the way down? FABULOUS!

This is for those more conservative girls...

Who wouldn't want to show off her calves? And thighs? And...*ahem*...other stuff?

Man, it's a good thing that new prom shop, Prostitutes-R-Us, opened up, because these girls wouldn't have any place to shop otherwise!

After my day spent prom dress shopping., I have a new-found respect for those hideous ones who never get a spot in the limelight. So today, ugly prom dresses, we honor you with this awards ceremony.

First up: The Elvis Presley Award presented to the dress with a "Hunk'a Hunk'a...Fake Jewels"

Lovely!

Next we have...the Grandma Award for the dress with the "vintage chic cheap" look MASTERED!

Grandma would be so proud!

And last, but certainly not least, we have the Edward Cullen Prom Date Award for the dress that does the best job of covering your neck from those pesky vampire bites.

FABULOUS!

PS. We have a last minute entry that embodies all three categories in one lovely dress!

See the jewels?

Love the vintage pattern!

And covers the neck well.

*ding ding ding*

WE HAVE A WINNER!

Nature can be a great inspiration, but sometimes, dressmakers can take things a little too literally. What does this remind you of?

Answer:

Try it again!

Answer:

Last one.

Answer:

This is for all those wild and crazy chicks lookin' for a little "something extra" on their dress. For those who want to be unique and have a one-of-a-kind dress. Don't do this to yourselves.

Not only does this dress have a high-low hem and ruffles- it has a floral patterned skirt to match those disgusting ruffles all the way around. Kind of reminds me of the dress in "The Nutcracker" that all the little kids hide under! This is where ugly flowers hide.

Because the plain ol' cheetah print wasn't enough, someone decided to paint on their dress to "give it some color". Well, you succeeded, but the dress looks even worse than before!

This dress is for those "Carrie" wannabes who want to look like they stepped in a pool of blood. Who wouldn't want to look like the were covered in blood in those great prom pictures?!?!?

And I saved the best for last!

What the heck is that supposed to be?

 This is tie-dye gone wrong. Even the bright colors like blue and pink look depressed in this god-awful pattern and pleats. FYI- you look like a painter!

In the world of performance art, triple threats are those who can sing, dance, and act. They're a rare find, but well worth the price of admission to see a performance. In the world of prom dresses, triple threats are those dresses that are three times as ugly, with included pattern, poof, and too much bling. Though they are rare, they are not worth the money to buy this hot mess.
Example A:

Does anyone else find it weird that the boobs are sparkly, the hips have stripes, and the poof is plaid. I'm sure it does wonders for the figure.

Example B:

"Wow! Sparkly roses AND a waistband a mile wide. But wait, there's more! If you order within the next 10 minutes- 'cause we can't do this all day- we'll throw in a full, poofy skirt with gigundo roses and purple stripes for the low price of just $340. But wait! We'll even pay shipping and handling!"

(Gee, thanks. That's so generous of you!)

Example C:

"Holy Toledo, Pebbles! You and Bam-Bam are going to prom wearing matching suit and dress? That's so creative!"

"I know! He bought me this dress, and we're going to take Daddy's car for the night! Yabba-dabba-doooo!"

Excuse me, but could you add some layers?

When one just isn't enough, you can count on these dressmakers to add WAY too many layers to a perfectly acceptable dress. Take this one by Clarisse, for instance- a lovely blue color with a tiny pattern and a nice strapless top. And then they ruin it with some awful and unflattering ruffles in blue cheetah print.

Gee, thanks so much.

And this one, by Faviana, would have been unique and interesting, but they had to ruin it with this lovely black mesh curtain covering only the back-side of the dress. AND said mesh has an ugly lace pattern on it.

And, last but not least, an "abstract" striped pattern on the bodice and four (count 'em... FOUR) layers of tulle on the bottom. My legs are getting a rash just looking at that ugly piece of itchiness!

Every teenage girl dreams about her first car. A red, Mustang convertible with a big red bow on top. Yeah, right.  Well, for those of us who didn't get that convertible, here's a surprise for you- a brand new convertible.

(by Clarisse)

(by Clarisse)

(by Mori Lee)

Can you imagine?!?!

Girl: "Please excuse me while I take off my skirt."

Date: "Oh absolutely. Don't mind me!"

Jeopardy

This is......... Jeopardy.

*cheesy theme song*

"I'll take Animal Lookalikes for one hundred, Alex."

"Okay, here we go. This lovely dress is made by Alyce Designs to represent this animal."

"What is a cheetah on acid?"

"That is correct!"

"I'll take Animal Lookalikes for two hundred."

"This dress, made in 2010 by Jovani, is made to resemble this well-known animal."

"What is a bird?"

"Correct. And, once again, you have control of the board."

"Animal Lookalikes for three hundred."

"The animal represented in this dress, made by Blush, is a rare find."

"What is a bumblebee?"

"I'm sorry that answer is incorrect."

"What is a bumblebee with a cheetah complex?"

"Correct!"

"Now it is time for Final Jeopardy. And the category is Mythical Animals."

"This animal, pictured here by Jovani, is found in children's songs the world over as a vicious monster."

"What is a one-eyed, one-horned, flyin' purple people-eater?"

"That is correct!"

A Wonderful Way to Kick Off Prom Season...With Dresses Nobody Would Be Caught Dead Wearing

Well, it's official. Prom preparing has begun for the most desperate of teen girls. It's 2010, which means a whole new line of prom dresses. We'll start off with a few of my favorites...

Woman: Hi, I'm here to find a prom dress.

Saleslady: Sure, we have a great selection. What were you looking for?

Woman: Well, I was hoping to find a dress that made me look 8 months pregnant, 20 pounds overweight, and accentuates my hips with some pleating.

Saleslady: I think I have just the dress for you...

TA-DAH!!!!!

(made by David's Bridal)

Here's another lovely example of what rosettes and tulle can add to a great prom dress...

Absolutely nothing.

(made by Terani)

And finally, last but not least, the one, the only....

Racing-fan, sparkley fire, red puffy dress...with halter scoop neck, of course.

(made by Glam Gurlz)